Wednesday, February 3, 2010

105. The Slab of Perpetual Nightmares

Apple used to be the rebel. That 1984 olympics commercial of the woman breaking the glass? Rebellious. Getting everyone so hooked on your brand that you can start making useless, market-less, and let's be honest here, stupid products and still expect to turn huge profits? That's some evil empire shit right there.
Considering all the collective stupidity of our society today (ahem, voting for Bush ... twice) Apple probably will make a profit off of this.
But it really is a slab of nightmarish horror. There are so many things wrong with it that the nightmares seem to keep building, breeding and feeding off of one another until it becomes a self-reproducing nightmare-machine.  Let's just start with the concept of the iPad itself.  It's too small and meager to compete with or fill-in for a laptop or even a netbook, but it's too bulky, cumbersome and annoying to fill-in for an iPhone or and iPod. So the question becomes, what the hell are we supposed to do with this thing?
Steve Jobs said that he didn't want it to be a laptop replacement or a smart phone replacement, but to be it's own product: free, unfettered, like a bald eagle soaring high over the rocky mountains, riding the warm updrafts before swooping down to take a massive dump on a market that is stuck with either laptops or smart phones, but no inherently useless, expensive product in between.  Great Steve, you want to save us from two different, but equally useful products by inventing a third, retarded product and introducing it to a landscape that has no market for it?
If the iPad makes money, and as I said before, it probably will, it'll be on the strength of the Apple name, our society's passion for buying the next useless, but awesome and expensive, gadget and the incredible culture of product brainwashing that has occurred over the past decade.  It will not make money because it is a useful, innovative, revolutionary product ... because it's not.

If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you...
- Friedrich Nietzsche

1 comment:

  1. i like this. but i dont get the "and how." at the end...